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Shalisa's avatar

This has been my hearts cry for the last year. I felt compelled early on to do what I could for those around me. That staying home on Sunday morning was of no consequence, not sinful, yet there was so much hopelessness from so many. No space for some people to imagine a new reality. For some there was too much grief to be anything but angry and this has left us all powerless to one another.

In this season, I have come to question myself. Looking for truth, of which perhaps there is none to find? I question what is of importance, what is honorable. What is justice even and is it for me to enact. I believe it is for me to act towards justice, though ultimately for Christ to bring it to fullness. But then, I say, which justice should I act towards? Some say that justice is not following the governments edicts. Some say that justice is sunday services in person. Some say justice is allowing children to gather maskless. Some say justice is protecting others - but then those protections are debated as well. When others don't value what you see as justice, especially your faith community, there is a dissonance that can really tear a person apart.

I have found that scripture directs me to live my life in a way that is reasonable to outsiders. I would rather live my life so that outsiders see me as loving, but what do I do with all the insiders who think I being unreasonable?

I feel compelled to go back to worship services even though I believe we have held them idealistically as idols. Compelled because I'm afraid that my own abhorrence of the ideal of gathering will become as much of an idol as the holding to the ideal.

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