Starting a new year

Today is my 42nd birthday. It’s amazing to me that I spent my 40th and 41st birthday with you too. I distinctly remember turning the-big-40 during the pandemic and wasn’t able to take a trip or go to dinner with my best pals. Because that was the height of one of the bad COVID surges, we stayed home and still had a great time. I also remember celebrating that with you, the FNE community. Then again the next year and here we are again. And, I’m so thankful.

My 40th year was quick and crazy with moving (twice), starting a new job, and watching this community grow. Then my 41st year was like a slam-shut to all of that with a year of sickness and forced slowness and the hardest year I have ever had. This year? I’m not sure. But, I can tell you that I’m excited about it, and that excitement is not lost on me. Probably because of how hard 2022 was for me, I’m finding myself loving the little things. Like washing dishes or eating around the dinner table while laughing until our stomachs hurt. Because last year, I wasn’t able to do that. This morning, my Spotify playlist included my song of the year, “We Shall be Known” by MaMuse. It’s a lovely song, but my favorite line I keep saying over and over is “What a time to be alive!”. I even walk into the living room where my kids are, saying those exact words (they love the song too) while throwing my arms out as wide as they’ll go. That’s what I feel happening inside of me - like my soul arms are flinging wide and I’m finding myself simply being grateful to be alive doing simple things, like cooking, watching a silly show with my kids, walking with my hubs. What a time to be alive, indeed. Maybe that’s what a year of hardship and grief does that to you on the other side. It makes you fling your arms wide to the simple things. Or makes you see those simple things as everything.

So, I’m not sure what year 42 around the sun looks like. I don’t really have plans or goals. Sure, I have my first book coming out (what a dream! and, I’ll keep you updated on that) and I’m traveling again - so, 2023 is a dream year after 2022 was all-things-quiet. Maybe that’s how dreams grow, in the quiet. More importantly, I just know I’m glad to be here in the day-to-day sunshine. What a time to be alive! And, being surprised and awed at whatever comes - small or big, pivotal or not. There’s certainly grief and pain still. But it’s lifting a bit and I’m thankful.

The other day I saw a lady walking on a sidewalk on a busy street with earbuds in, dancing like she’s auditioning for Footloose, like no one was watching. I remember thinking how lovely it is to just be that free and not care on a busy street. She was livin’ life, for sure. This morning, another song came on - “Something Just Like This” by The Chainsmokers/Coldplay. The song is about life and love not needing to be superhuman perfect or like a fairy tale. Instead, it’s realizing it’s “something just like this” - with “this” being the here-and-right now of what we have. (At least, that’s how I interpret the song.) The first 60ish seconds are building up until the beat comes in. Do you know that song? I’ll give you some time to google it and listen to it until you hear the beat. Did you hear it? Now turn up the volume and listen again. That came on this morning during my walk in my neighborhood. I held everything in until the beat came on - and, then I danced like a mom who just finished the laundry - in other words, I danced, freely and with a full smile on my face arms flung wide. Now to be fair, I looked behind me to make sure noone was there. But, I still danced.

This year of 42, I am not wanting anything more than what is right here. Something just like this is glorious to me. And, I’m going to dance even if someone is watching.

What a time to be alive,

Emily