What's (personally) saving my life right now.

(Narrated with GIFs)

It’s been an incredibly long few days for those of us in global health. I told my husband last night that I didn’t think it could get worse than the COVID days in 2020. Before the inauguration day, I kept thinking that we made it through the 2020-COVID-days. Surely we can make it through whatever the new administration brings. I knew it would be bad - “it” being the new policies in Project 2025. But, I did not know it would be this bad, this visceral. For every day that PEPFAR is interrupted (through USAID stop work orders - USAID funds 2/3 of PEPFAR’s activities), 30 babies DAILY in Tanzania alone will get HIV because the mother’s HIV treatment was abruptly halted. 15,000 people a day are not getting their medicines, including 600 children, despite the medicines being right there in the pharmacy. Globally, 600 women per day will not receive treatment for cervical cancer.

I could go on and on. It’s all so much, isn’t it? Too much. If it feels like multiple waves keep knocking you over, you’re not alone.

The follow-up question is, “What can we do?” For me, the other question is how to stay afloat in the fight. How to not get discouraged, how to not give up, how to not wear yourself out with the loudness of the day, how to sleep right now? I got incredibly sick from burnout in 2021-2022 with months-long, bed-bound migraines. So, I’m very aware this time of the consequences of the body keeping the score rather than me being more in charge. This time, I’m doing lots of things differently. Let me tell you about it and I hope it can encourage you to keep going in wisdom, to not turn off the events of the day, but rather to wisely choose which fights are yours and which aren’t. And, how to make sure you can sleep at night and still have time to rest, breathe, and love. There are times when you need to jump in the fight for our neighbors. But, a worn-out soul and body does no good to sustain the marathon-level-hope that is needed for the journey.

If I’m being really honest, I’m so tired too. Many of us are. I cry nearly daily and am working those long hours I was during COVID again. BUT, I have been surprised at something else. I’m so hopeful and happy, I’m healthy, I’m holding up, I’m bolder. I guess I’m stronger? I don’t know. Time will tell if that’s true. But the guardrails and boundaries are working to sustain. I’m exhausted and so bone-weary sad with bits of anger. But not consumed. It’s a good(ish) exhaustion, probably because of the guardrails I have put in place, and still so sad. But the sadness motivates rather than mows me over. And, that surprises me! Let me tell how I’m staying afloat right now and how I’m doing personally. Hopefully, it can encourage you!

*These paid posts are always more personal than my regular science ones, like the Neighbor Tuesday posts. If you’re wondering why, here’s an explanation. Not all of you will want the personal musings and I totally understand that. I also include why I give a preview of these posts to everyone. Not as a bait-and-switch! Believe me, that’s about as opposite of me as you can get. It’s simply to let you all know what content is in the paid posts in case it’s something you’re interested in.)